I thought of you as I drove out of the parking lot.
190th and Normandie.
The one I couldn’t bear to leave
So many years ago.
Body sore after hours of tense
Negotiations - no, begging
For you not to leave.
Watching the taillights turn into tiny orbs before
Losing them in a crowd like a pair of angler fish
Swallowed by the sea
While my eyes welled with tears
I wished would somehow reverse back into the ducts.
I didn’t know it then, but it was for the best.
I didn’t know it then, but you were right.
I didn’t know it then, but you were the strongest of us both.
I didn’t know it then, but I owe you my life.
I learned a few years back that you’ve got a son,
And I’m expecting a child myself.
My wife walks around the house,
Ripe with life,
And I’m left smiling with
Anticipation at this great gift.
I always played catch up to you.
You’d like her, I think.
Her laugh sings like wind chimes
And she seems to pull art
Out of nowhere.
She handles my flights of fancy,
My bold dreams, and anxious dithering.
She’s the rainbow I never thought I’d have,
But you swore I deserved.
I’m sorry, because I know you deserved this, too.
And I could not bring myself to accept
That I could not be that rainbow
When I was built like a storm cloud.